Communication Strategies
Developing powerful communication skills is a lifelong process. Good communication skills are necessary for every area of life because everything is about communication. If you are not a good communicator, you will have great difficulties in all areas of your life, especially relationships. Communication can make or break you.
You can use your words to help and to heal or you can use your words to hurt people, it is your choice.
When you learn how to be a powerful communicator, it can help you succeed in every area of life. There are many different kinds of communication including:
Verbal
Non-verbal
Formal
Informal
Communication through body language
Communication modes such as sight, sound and touch also come into play. Developing powerful communication skills can enable you to develop healthier relationships within your family and in and around your community.
It's also important to learn how to turn tragedy into triumph by telling your own unique story. In the end, it doesn’t matter if you are 15 or 50, your words are a powerful influencer and communication should always be something you are working on in some way, shape or form. In this module we will review:
Different levels of communication.
Ways in which you process information.
How to change how people perceive you.
Tips on how to be a powerful communicator.
Learn how your stories can help you turn tragedy into triumph.
Learning how art and other modes of self-expression can help you heal.
Developing Powerful Communication Skills
Communication is a very powerful tool. We communicate in many different ways. Without the power of communication, our lives would be extremely challenging.
Humans learn how to communicate from an early age by watching the signals around them. Animals use communication as a valuable tool as well, they just communicate in a different manner. Dogs bark, bees buzz, cat’s meow and birds sing because that is how they communicate.
Humans are the only species we know of that have different levels of communication.
These levels include:
Verbal communication
Non-verbal communication
Formal/Informal communication
Communication through body language
Each of us processes information differently depending on which of our senses is more acute or dominant. Most of us tend to think in one particular mode over another: The typical modes people use to process information include:
Sight (Visual)
Sound (Auditory)
Touch (Kinesthetic)
There are actually two additional modes, which are not as common:
Smell (Olfactory)
Taste (Gustatory)
The way we communicate has a lot to with the way we perceive things because everyone sees things a little differently.
Think of the game of “telephone” in which someone transmits a message to someone who then passes the message along to several different people. Chances are by the time the message gets to the last person that the message will be somewhat different because people forget and add their own bits and pieces to the message along the way!
If you are a visual processor, you see images in your mind when asked a question. Auditory processors enjoy sounds better while kinesthetic processors may feel emotions or prefer touching things.
Try this simple exercise now:
Try imagining a bright yellow lemon in your mind's eye right now. Now imagine you are going to cut into this lemon and as you cut through it you see the juices squirting out.
Now imagine you are about to taste this lemon. What does it taste like as you bring it to your tongue? Is it bitter? Is it sweet?
Perhaps you can add some sugar to this lemon to make it more appealing or perhaps you could squeeze it into a pitcher and make it into lemonade. Try seeing and feeling and hearing the sounds that the lemon makes and see which one of these receptors stands out.
Changing Perceptions
Powerful communication skills can help change how people see you, so it pays to do some homework and learn some basic techniques.
Communication is a very important tool that can help you:
Better express how you feel.
Better explain your needs.
Develop your own sense of style.
Become be more aware of who you are.
Develop better relationships in your community.
Develop better intimate and personal relationships.
Working on problems together can help you develop more effective solutions because a team is always more effective than a solitary opinion.
When you learn how to express yourself it can help you decrease your stress and increase your confidence. When you express yourself by being honest about your personal beliefs, opinions and ideas it can help you better handle things like peer pressure.
By using all the different types of communication skills, you can choose how society and your community see you or perceive you. These skills can help you more effectively express your ideas, thoughts and even your opinions as well as your needs.
Put your best foot forward because you are a powerful representative for your community.
In other words, one bad apple may spoil the whole bunch!
Different Levels of Communication
As we reviewed previously, there are different and unique levels of communication which include:
Verbal communication
Non-verbal communication
Formal/Informal communication
Communication through body language
Communication is a critical tool that can allow you to exchange ideas and information. Communication is also a powerful tool that can help you build and maintain good relationships.
In order to be a good communicator, you also have to be a good listener!
It is also important to:
Know your audience.
Change your message depending on who you are speaking to.
The fact of the matter is that you will probably have a very different message if you are talking to your friends than you would if you were speaking to a room full of people! It is also very important to know your topic by doing your homework. If you take the time to research your topic, you will be a much better communicator than someone who is simply making it up as they go.
Talking is a very common form of communication but it can be complicated because there are many variables including:
The way a message is perceived. For example, you may think you are talking about one thing when someone else thinks you are talking about something different!
How the message is interpreted – People don’t always get the same meaning.
The relationship that exists between the sender and the receiver.
Cultural differences – Different cultures express themselves differently.
Many things including can affect nonverbal communication:
Facial expressions such as a smile or a frown.
Good or bad moods.
Tone of your voice or if you feel happy or sad.
Gestures like moving your hands.
Eye contact – if you don’t look someone in the eye, they may not trust you as much.
Misunderstandings may also occur depending on your personal or even cultural background. All of these things greatly affect how your message will be perceived in the end.
Communication can also be broken down into formal versus informal.
Formal communication is communication that is “dressed up” for a formal audience like a resume.
A report is also an example of a formal written communication.
A casual discussion or text message is an example of informal communication.
Written communication helps you express yourself in a manner that is uniquely yours and it can be highly effective. In today’s high-tech world, there are many ways to communicate quickly including emails, text messages and even Skype or video chat and it is likely to continue to explode.
Body Language
Your body language also tells a compelling story because people can often sense your mood or level of openness by reading your body language.
For example, if you have your arms crossed it may signify that you are closed minded or not open to opinions.
If you sit with your body leaned forward while you listen to someone, it tells them you are genuinely interested in what they have to say.
In order to be a powerful communicator you must:
Engage your audience.
Look people directly in the eye while you’re speaking.
Remember to smile.
Be an excellent listener.
Show interest in what other people have to say.
Know your material.
Don’t gossip or backstab.
Treat people like you want to be treated.
Think before you speak.
Learn to speak slowly and with confidence.
Keep your sense of humor!
Telling our stories
Everyone has a story. We all have very different backgrounds and we have all been through different struggles and challenges. You can use your story to:
Motivate and inspire others.
Help people through their own problems.
Your story makes you unique because there is no one else quite like you! The key to success is learning how to use your story as a tool to motivate and inspire others.
When you experience a loss or a life change, such as loss of a parent or peer, divorce or even illness, your ability to express yourself and communicate may crumble.
You may find that you shut down and feel totally alone with no way out. There are a lot of agencies or groups that can help you with this issue and they can teach you to tell your own great story and they can help you develop powerful and effective communication skills.
Things like grief counseling, peer counseling, and even youth groups can help you work through painful issues by helping you reach down deep inside yourself and find the strength to tell your story to those who care about you and love you.
Everyone has a story, what's yours?
When you learn how to reach out and help others you realize that you are not alone.
Listening to other people's stories can help you with your own.
The most important thing you can do is to learn to speak out.
Keeping your story bottled up deep inside you helps no one.
Sharing your story can help you heal and work through difficult and painful issues.
Turning Tragedy into Triumph
When tragedy strikes it is a natural and normal to want to shut everyone out. You may feel very alone and isolated. When you feel alone, you may resist others attempts to reach out. The best thing you can do when something traumatic happens is to learn how to turn tragedy into triumph.
You can help others by sharing your story.
Sometimes just knowing that other people have been through similar things helps you deal with your issue better.
Learning how to speak up in a group or in a one on one session can be a very healing experience.
Learn how to express your pain and anger.
There are five stages of grief and it is natural and completely normal to work through these stages:
Denial – you pretend you don’t have a problem.
Anger – you may be angry at the world.
Bargaining – maybe you pray that someone will get better knowing they won’t.
Depression – you may shut yourself off from the world.
Acceptance – you finally accept what is.
Sometimes just having an awareness that these stages exist helps you move through them easier. You can turn tragedy into triumph because it will help you to share your stories with others. By telling your story, you can inspire others to have hope as well. You can act as a powerful motivator to other people who are hurting. You can turn tragedy into triumph by using your story to help people heal.
You can create something positive out of your story by using it to help others.
You can also:
Start a group with your friends or classmates.
Speak publicly and share your story.
Write about your story in a blog or school paper.
All of these things are powerful motivators that help others heal. There are many groups that will allow you to express your pain and fear in a safe and healing environment and doing so can be life changing. As you learn to heal you also evolve and grow and change as a person and you become someone who is confident and self-reliant as you become someone who has triumphed over diversity and turned pain into power and you can inspire others to do the same as well.
Using the Arts for Self-Expression
There are many ways to express yourself and self-expression can be a very powerful tool that can help you deal with painful emotions in a positive way.
Art can help you heal and help you express yourself by helping you express your feelings and emotions in a positive manner.
You can also use poetry, short stories, theater or even music.
Art helps you express yourself better by helping you:
Better express your own personal fears, struggles, and triumphs.
Can help you through difficult times.
Can even help you spiritually.
Art evokes many emotions, so by using different forms of art as a way to express yourself, you can make positive changes and grow as an individual.
Whether you are expressing yourself through words, as in poetry or short stories or expressing yourself through music or other creative things, you are using different forms of art and self-expression as a powerful healing element. Expressing yourself in these manners can help increase your self-esteem and allow you to control how you express painful emotions. Art helps you connect to others and gives you an outlet for your deepest thoughts, both inspiring the giver and the receiver who shares it.
Art can help you heal by helping you find other things in which to absorb your mind into.
Art can be very therapeutic.
Just the process itself helps sooth your nerves and calm your mind.
Art can help you freely express yourself in the visual or physical world.
Learning how to express yourself through art, dance, poetry, writing or other forms of self-expression such as music or theatre can help give you a sense of accomplishment and pride.
The healing comes through the process itself, not necessarily the end result. Taking time to work through the steps helps you express powerful emotions you might have never have expressed in any other manner.
These types of expressions can help you increase your self-awareness and well-being and help empower you. Expressing yourself using these types of tools can be very therapeutic and help with issues such as anger, eating disorders, depression anxiety, trauma, abuse and even bereavement and loss.
Good communication skills are necessary for every area of life because everything is about communication!
If you are not a good communicator, you will have great difficulties in all areas of your life.
The best college degree in the world will not help you get a job if you cannot communicate effectively!
There are always ways you can improve your communication skills including:
Being more aware of your body language – keeping your arms open when you speak and looking people in the eye.
Fine-tuning and developing your listening skills –always acting interested.
Speaking with confidence and composure – believing in yourself.
Your body language, as we spoke about earlier, can say a lot about you. We speak in more than mere words. When you are talking you are also observing people’s body language and gauging whether or not someone is open or closed minded.
By practicing active listening skills, you can become a much more effective communicator because you really learn how to listen and interpret what someone has to say. Actively listening can also help with things like miscommunication because you are really taking steps to hear what someone has to say.
When you speak with confidence and composure, you show that you actually believe that what you have to say is worthwhile.
You may have much to say, but if you don’t speak with confidence and composure, people may not pay attention to you. Your communication skills can make or break you. If you cannot effectively communicate you cannot be heard and if you cannot be heard, you will have trouble getting ahead in life.
Every job you will ever have will most likely require effective communication skills. Unless you happen to work in a bubble, you will need to be able to communicate!
Communication is a very important tool that can help you:
Express how you feel.
Help you explain your needs.
Learning how to work on problems together can help you develop more effective solutions.
Teamwork is required in every mode of life and chances are that most of the jobs you will do in the course of your lifetime will require some kind of teamwork whether it is a two person team or a twenty person team. You also have to be able to communicate with your loved ones, so working as part of a team, is a skill that is highly useful.
When you have the ability to easily and effectively state your personal beliefs, opinions, and desires, it can help you better handle things like peer pressure.
You can influence how your community sees you as a group by working together and developing powerful communication skills.
These skills can help you more effectively express your ideas, thoughts and even your opinions as well as your needs.
In conclusion, communication can make or break you.
You can use your words to help and to heal or you can use your words to hurt.
When you learn how to be a powerful communicator, you become a very powerful influencer, which can help you succeed in every area of life. It doesn’t matter if you are 15 or 50, your words are a powerful influencer and communication should always be something you are working on in some way, shape or form.
Different Language Styles
Learning to identify different communication styles - and recognizing which one's people are using in any given moment, can go a long way to helping you communicate more successfully.
Many times people use different language styles, and learning more about these styles can help you in every area of life. One of most helpful tips you can use in your daily interactions is learning how to be assertive, in the way you communicate.
Being assertive is all about respecting yourself and respecting other people. Being assertive means to clearly express your thoughts and feelings through open, honest and direct communication.
Becoming more assertive does not mean that you are a bully or that you always get what you want, but it does mean that you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you handled the situation as well as can be expected and that there are no ill feelings between you and the other person.
Communicating assertively is a skill everyone should learn, but it does take time and practice.
In order to communicate assertively, you need to have a basic understanding of what your typical style of communication is.
There are five communication styles, and while many of us may use different styles for different situations, most of us will fall back on one particular style or another. This is known as our "default' style" of communication.
The Five Communication Styles
Assertive
Aggressive
Passive-aggressive
Submissive
Manipulative
Data complements of (Newton, 2103)
Different sorts of languages and behavior exemplify each.
The Assertive Style of Communication
Assertive communication comes about from having a high level of self-esteem. The assertive style of communication is the most effective and the healthiest of the five styles. When you are assertive, you are neither aggressive nor passive, but someone in between.
When you are assertive, you have the confidence to communicate without having to resort to manipulation or petty games. Being assertive is also about knowing your limits and not allowing yourself to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from you. Surprisingly though the assertive style people use the least.
Behavioral Characteristics of the Assertive Style
Achieves goals without hurting others.
Respectful of others' rights and protective of your own.
Emotionally and socially expressive.
Responsible for making your own choices and taking responsibility.
Comfortable asking directly for what you need, while accepting the possibility of rejection.
Easily accepts compliments.
Non-Verbal Behavior
Medium pitched voice, speed, and volume.
Open posture, symmetrical balanced, tall, relaxed, not fidgeting.
Even, rounded, and expansive gestures.
Good eye contact and facial expression.
Spatial position - in control and respectful of others.
Typical Assertive Language
"Would you please turn the volume down? I am really struggling to concentrate on my work."
"I am deeply sorry, but I won't be able to help you with your project this evening, as I have an appointment."
Speaking in this manner and tone mean those on the receiving end feel they can take you at your word. This style also helps people to know exactly where they stand with you. This style also helps others accept and cope with justified criticism.
The Aggressive Style
This style is all about winning at someone else's expense, which is obviously not healthy. An aggressive person act and behaves as if their needs are the most important ones. This type of communicator believes they have more rights and more to contribute than other people.
The aggressive style is an ineffective communication style because the content of the message often gets lost as people are too busy reacting to the way the message is delivered.
Behavioral Characteristics of the Aggressive Style
Threatening, frightening, loud or hostile.
Willing to achieve goals at the expense of others.
Out to win, no matter what.
Demanding or abrasive.
Belligerent or explosive, unpredictable.
Intimidating or bullying.
Non-Verbal Behavior
Loud volume or voice.
Posture often bigger than others.
Gestures are big, fast, sharp or jerky.
Facial expressions often come across as cowls, frowns or glares.
Invades others' personal space, try to stand over others.
Typical Aggressive Language
"You are nuts!" "Do it my way, or else!" "You make me sick!"
Aggressive language often involves sarcasm, name-calling, threatening, blaming or even insulting. It causes the person on the receiving end to feel defensive, resentful, vengeful, humiliated or even hurt or degraded. This type of language style often causes a loss of respect for the aggressive person. Often time, mistakes or problems are not reported to an aggressive person, as they may be known to "blow up'. Others might be afraid of being railroaded, exploited or humiliated as well.
The Passive-Aggressive Style
The passive-aggressive style is a style that may appear docile or passive on the surface but may actually cause someone to be angry or indirect in a behind-the-scenes way.
Prisoners of War often act in passive-aggressive ways so to compensate for an overwhelming lack of power. People who behave passive-aggressively often feel powerless and resentful, expressing their feelings by subtly undermining the object of their resentments, whether real or imagined, even if this ends up sabotaging themselves.
The expression "Cut off your nose to spite your face" is a perfect description of a person acting passive-aggressive.
Behavioral Characteristics of the Passive-Aggressive Style
May be indirectly aggressive.
Sarcastic or devious.
Often unreliable.
Complains or sulks.
May be patronizing.
Prone to gossip.
Two-faced.
This type of person may be pleasant to people's faces, but poisonous behind their backs. In this type of behavior, people may do things to actively harm the other party. In other words, they may sabotage a machine by loosening a bolt or play other tricks.
Non-Verbal Behavior
May speak with a sugary sweet voice.
Posture is often asymmetrical. They may stand with one hand on the hip, or with their hip thrust out.
Gestures can be jerky or quick.
Facial expression may appear sweet and innocent.
They may often stand too close, or touch someone pretending to be warm and friendly.
Language
Typical passive-aggressive language could be something like "Just go ahead and do it; my ideas aren't very good anyway", but with a little sting of irony or sarcasm. Other examples could be
"Oh don't you worry about me, I can handle this myself - like I usually have to."
People on the receiving end of this behavior may feel confused, hurt, angry or even resentful.
The Submissive Style
The submissive style is all about pleasing other people while avoiding conflict. A submissive person behaves as if other peoples' needs are much more important, and as if other people have more rights and more to contribute.
Behavioral Characteristics
May be apologetic or feel as if they are imposing.
They may avoid confrontation.
They may find it difficult to take responsibility or make decisions
They may yield to someone else's preferences and discount their own rights and needs.
They may opt out or feel like a victim.
They may blame others for events.
May refuse compliments.
May be inexpressive of their feelings and desires.
Non-Verbal Behavior
Voice or volume may be soft.
Posture might make themselves as small as possible with their head down.
They may twist and fidget.
Might not make eye contact.
They may make themselves smaller or lower than others.
May demonstrate submissive behavior or a martyr-like attitude with a victim mentality.
Language
The submissive may say things like "Oh, it's nothing, really." or "You choose; because anything is fine."
People on the receiving end of this behavior may feel frustrated, guilty, exasperated or feel as if you don’t really know what you want. People often take advantage of a submissive style person, where others may resent the low energy surrounding the submissive person. This is not a healthy style because people may eventually give up trying to help this type of person because their efforts are subtly or overtly rejected.
The Manipulative Style
The manipulative style is often scheming, calculating and shrewd. Manipulative communicators are very skilled at controlling or influencing others to their own advantage. The words they speak often hide an underlying message, of which the other person may be totally unaware.
Behavioral Characteristics of the Manipulative Style
Cunning.
May be controlling of others in an insidious way, by sulking as an example.
May ask indirectly for their needs to be met.
May make others feel obliged or sorry for them.
May use artificial tears.
Non-Verbal Behavior
The manipulative person may come across as patronizing or envious, often sounding high pitched. Typical language might include phrases such as:
"You are so lucky to have nice things, I wish I could afford some. I can't afford such luxuries."
"I didn't have time to buy anything, so I had to wear this old thing. I just hope I don't look too bad in it."
People on the receiving may end up feeling frustrated, guilty, angry, irritated or even resentful or annoyed. Others may never know where they stand with a manipulative person and they may be annoyed at having to constantly work out what is going on.
The Benefits of Understanding Different Styles of Communication
A good understanding of these five basic styles of communication will help you learn how to react more effectively when you are confronted with a difficult person. These skills will also help you recognize when you are not being assertive or not behaving in an effective way.
You always have a choice as to which communication style you use. Being assertive is usually the most effective style, but other styles are, of course, necessary depending on the situation.
Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness and once you learn and better understand your own communication style, it will be much easier to identify any shortcomings or areas which you can improve on if you want to start communicating in a more assertive manner.
If you are serious about strengthening your relationships and you have a desire to reduce stress and decrease anxiety, being more assertive can help you.
Being assertive can help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt and build better relationships both professionally and personally.
"Remember the first rule of effective communication: The success of the communication is the responsibility of the communicator."