The Five Love Languages
Communication can make or break a relationship and when it comes to relationships, it's important to speak your partner's love language. We often express love in very different ways, as most of you probably already know.
The old adage “Do unto others as you would like done unto you” is a nice strategy, but it may be a bit outdated because people all speak a different language when it comes to love and affection.
Don’t assume that just because you like to receive love in a certain way, shape or form that your partner feels exactly the same way, because chances are they don't.
There are many ways to show affection, and according to Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages, there are five distinct ways in which people communicate when it comes to love.
Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
When it comes to love languages, it's important to ask your partner specifically what you can do to make them feel more loved and then do that.
You may know how you communicate and want to receive love, but that may not be how your partner communicates or wants to receive love. Find out what resonates with you and your partner and your relationship will soon be much more affectionate.
The Five Love Languages
These are ways people like to receive love:
Quality Time
Someone who communicates in this manner may simply want your undivided attention. This may mean taking a long walk in the park, going to dinner, or just making time for one another. For some people, it's as simple as that.
Words of Affirmation
Those who communicate in an auditory manner enjoy hearing words and sounds. If you or your partner communicate in this manner you appreciate being told how someone feels and you like when your partner expresses his or her love with kind words. Verbal compliments can go a long way with someone who likes to communicate in this manner.
Gifts
Someone who speaks this kind of love language appreciates gifts not necessarily for the monetary value, but for the sentimental value the gift brings. In other words, it’s the thought that counts. Remember giving your mother a handwritten note or a picture you drew as a child? That is the kind of sentimental value gifts bring, so if your partner communicates in this way, little tokens of affection will go a long way.
Acts of Service
People who communicate in this type of love language enjoy having things done for them. These don't have to be expensive or big acts of service, they can just be little things you do to express your love like giving someone a neck massage or even preparing a nice meal.
Physical Touch
Some people really love to be touched, not necessarily always in a sexual manner, but a light touch of an arm or a hand on their shoulder for example. People who enjoy the sensation of physical touch may touch your arm when speaking to you or they may even hug you. People who enjoy touch like to hold hands and embrace, they like when someone sits next to them and puts their hand on their knee, and they like simple little tokens of affection that involve touch.
Learning someone's love language can go a long way to making your relationship much more satisfying.
Can Romantic Love Stand the Test of Time?
Does a long-term relationship kill romantic love? According to some studies, romantic love can and does exist in long-term relationships. Romantic love can be described as intense love or love filled with sexual desire.
Everyone has experienced the thrill and excitement of romantic love; the heart pounding, the brow sweating and that feel of raw desire.
Romantic love consumes you and becomes a part of you and it is sinfully delicious.
Some couples believe that the thrill is soon gone, once they get to know someone, but that may not necessarily be true. Romantic love may lose some of its intensity as time goes on, but it can grow and change into something, even more, beautiful, a warm and compassionate type of love.
Two key studies revealed that romantic love can be a part of a long-term partnership, with one study of nearly 500 American couples married ten years or longer revealing that they still enjoyed deep, intimate and affectionate connections even after all those years.
Several theories have suggested that self-esteem may actually play an integral role when it comes to relationships and romantic love. It may in fact be key when it comes down to it because those who feel confident and self-assured are more likely to feel the same way when it comes to their relationships.
Some researchers have found while interviewing couples in long-term commitments that it is possible to sustain a deep sense of connection and intimacy over time without the added aggravation of obsessive elements typically associated with intense new romantic love.
It is encouraging that research shows that romantic love can stand the test of time because romantic love helps us feel good about ourselves adding to our marital satisfaction, our mental health, and our well-being.
Love does tend to change over time, but it doesn’t always have to fade away. It may not be as intense and obsessive as it was when you first started out, but there is something to be said for deep levels of commitment.
Research has shown that long-term relationships can still offer us romantic love, a deeper and more beautiful kind of love.
For those that are in a long-term committed relationship, this is encouraging news because it means that love can stand the test of time. While it is probably unrealistic to think that romantic love can maintain the same kind of raw intensity over time, it can exist and even thrive in varying degrees.
The key is to keep it fresh and exciting and to always come up with ways to make the relationship fun because in the end it may take a little more work to keep the fire stoked than when you first met.
Rediscovering love with a partner you have known for years can be exciting and thrilling.
Love ebbs and flows over time, much like a river. It can transform and change and take on different faces.
There is a certain ease that comes from knowing someone deeply and intimately. Love over time is more about respect and commitment.
If you have a desire to keep the flame burning, research tells us that it is possible to keep romantic love alive. You just may have to work a bit harder, but in the end, it is time well spent.
Relationships StrategiesTo Keep Love Alive
There are many things you can do to keep love alive - after the initial phase of the relationship has passed.
A University of Illinois study highlighted the importance of five relationship maintenance strategies that you can use to preserve or improve the quality of an intimate relationship.
According to the article, “Relationships are like cars in that you have to do certain things to keep them running, especially when your goal is to strengthen and preserve your bond with your partner,” said Brian Ogolsky, a U of I professor of human and community development, ("5 Relationship Maintenance Strategies That Couples Can Use To Preserve Or Improve The Quality Of An Intimate Relationship ", 2013).
The study examined which factors were the most important when it came to promoting healthy relationships. Ogolsky and colleague Jill R. Bowers conducted a meta-analysis of 35 studies with 12,273 individual reports.
The research showed that there were five factors that came into play when it comes to strategies that couples can use to improve their relationships.
Openness
Positivity
Assurances
Shared tasks
Shared social network
Openness
To “open up” your relationship, the researchers encouraged talking about your feelings and getting your partner to also talk about what they are feeling as well.
This may not be easy, but opening up and sharing can go a long way to maintaining a healthy relationship.
Positivity
Positivity entails trying to keep a positive attitude, even under times of great stress. Sometimes it's hard to be cheerful, but if you learn how to laugh at yourself, you will be able to keep the mood much lighter.
Assurances
Another important factor is that of assurance, or always making a point to reassure your partner that you are in it for the long haul. You may think you don't need to do this, however, words of reassurance can go a long way to making your partner feel secure in the relationship.
Shared Tasks
Dividing up household tasks and chores is another great strategy for maintaining a healthy relationship. Each partner usually thinks they are contributing more than the other partner, so taking the time to sit down and reassess everything that needs to be done, can go a long way to keeping the work equitable.
Shared Social Network
Making an effort to include your partner’s friends and family in some of your social activities is also important because it's easy to get caught up in your own individual social networks. Making that extra effort can go a long way to making each partner feel loved.
The study showed that a person who practices, at least, one of these five strategies is also more than likely to do some of the other ones as well.
“Persons who use any of these maintenance strategies will not only be more satisfied with and committed to their relationship, they are also likely to continue to love and, yes, even like each other throughout its duration,” ("5 Relationship Maintenance Strategies That Couples Can Use To Preserve Or Improve The Quality Of An Intimate Relationship ", 2013).
Although these strategies do work, trouble may arise when two people don't see or value what the other person has to offer in terms of their effort, so it does take some work to keep things flowing smoothly.
The study also suggested it's important to recognize each other's efforts, when it comes to these things, because when one partner believes the other partner isn't pulling his or her weight, issues can arise.
Sometimes thoughts don’t transfer into actions; in other words, you may have good intentions but fail to follow through. If you do find that you get carried away with a business call or forget to make those little gestures, you may end up hurting your partner's feelings without realizing it.
The fact is that it's a busy world, so thoughts don't always become things! It's easy to get caught up in the routine of life, and take each other for granted, so making a conscious effort to employ some of these strategies can go a long way to making a happy home.
“Even a small attempt at maintenance, such as asking how your partner’s day was, sending a humorous text to make him laugh, or picking up the phone and calling your mother- or father-in-law, can have a positive impact on your relationship and make you happier.”
("5 Relationship Maintenance Strategies That Couples Can Use To Preserve Or Improve The Quality Of An Intimate Relationship ", 2013).
Tips for a Healthy Relationship
One of the most important things you can do to nurture your relationship is to always respect that person, no matter what. A few ways to show respect are:
Listening without interruption
Keeping your promises
Being on Time
Refrain judging or criticizing or labeling
It's also important to remember to show your appreciation by telling your partner that you appreciate the little things he or she does on a regular basis. You can leave your partner a note or just give them a call in the middle of the day to tell them you love them.
Talk more, people can't always read your mind!
When you make a point to talk more, you will always come out ahead, because people can't read your mind. Sharing your hopes and dreams and even your fears can help you keep the lines of communication open and deepen intimacy.
Also, ask for what you want, and do not ever assume your partner knows how to please you.
Learning how to listen – using a 3-step process!
Reflect: Learn the skill of actively listening. Everyone needs to be heard. Practice repeating back to your partner what you heard them say, which is called mirroring or reflecting.
It’s not important that you agree with what your partner says, but validate that you understand their experience by saying; “I can understand how that would be for you.”
Empathize with them. See what they are saying through their eyes. Feel what they are feeling. For example, one might say: I can understand that you would be feeling frustrated or confused or sad, or whatever emotion you are picking up on.
Be authentic and tell the truth.
Even if you don't agree, that's OK, it's important to always be truthful because people can sense when you're not being authentic. You have to be true to who you are. Don’t change who you are out of fear of not being loved. Whatever part you are hiding is not being loved if you keep it hidden.
There are said to be four levels of understanding when communicating and having a heart-to-heart conversation. A simple understanding can be demonstrated by repeating what you hear someone saying by using their words back to them. A mental understanding can be demonstrated by rephrasing what you think they mean by using your own words. When you have an intimate understanding, you are able to capture someone’s true feelings in your own words by seeing things from their perspective. Finally, a spiritual understanding may mean understanding someone with or without words on a deep spiritual level.
When you connect with someone on a deep spiritual level you identify with his or her fears, frustrations, and feelings. When you put your best foot forward in your love relationships, you feel feelings of love, happiness and joy and this can go a long way to promoting harmony in the world.
What does it feel like to live in complete harmony and peace?
Few of us really know what complete peace and harmony really feel like because we live in a very stressful world.
The word harmony according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary has multiple meanings. It can be a tuneful sound, a combination of simultaneous musical notes in a chord, the science of the structure, relation, and progression of chords or a pleasing or congruent arrangement of parts exhibiting harmony of color and line.
In terms of relationships, the term harmony means something a little different. Harmony in relationships can mean tranquility or internal calm or living in accord. When we think of living with or in a sense of harmony at least in terms of personal relationships, we think of a relationship free of anger or discord and a relationship that is filled with a sense of love and compassion.
Living in harmony is all about that deeper connection. It might mean manifesting that perfect relationship, finding a partner that you feel close to, or healing a relationship that is currently out of sync.
What if you could train your mind from a healing perspective to speak the language of love? Living in harmony means enjoying peace and compassion in all of your relationships from your personal relationships to your friendships, to your family relationships and even your work relationships.
Most people could use some kind of help in the relationship department because relationships are extremely complex.
Relationships impact us all and we could probably all use a little more harmony and balance in our lives. Sometimes we think at different points in our lives that we don’t really need love or that it’s too much work to be in a relationship. While relationships can go through trying times, they can also be an incredible source of support that nurtures your heart and soul and teaches you who you really are.
Everyone deserves to have a love life that is very special and amazing and it’s important to keep our relationships vibrant and strong.
Living with a sense of peace and joy and compassion can literally change the world, and make life worth living.
Love and peace and harmony are what we all want, need and crave and without it life would seem quite empty. Things like wealth and prosperity are wonderful and necessary to have, but without love - wealth and prosperity can feel pretty empty and meaningless.
Love is ultimately what makes life worth living. Everyone wants to be loved, it doesn’t matter who he or she is, it is a human need. Since you can't give away something you don't have, you have to start by learning how to love yourself, quirks and all.
You can also feel love for those things you already have in your life so it's important to take stock of those things you have already been blessed with. To shift your energy to one of love and peace and harmony, you can start by loving your family and friends, loving your pets, loving your job and, of course, loving yourself.
Living in harmony and balance means learning to be comfortable in your own skin and learning how to be a good receiver of love.
Keep in mind that the quality of the relationships you have with others is actually a direct reflection of the relationship you already have with yourself! In the four agreements, Miguel Ruiz states that we attract partners that treat us just a bit better than we treat ourselves. Think about that for a moment. When they start treating us worse than we treat ourselves, we can easily walk away from that relationship. So, if you want someone to treat you right, you have to begin by treating yourself right. The ultimate result is that you will raise your energy vibration and naturally attract the same kind of energy, or the same kind of loving person right back to you.
Living in a Perfect World
In the musical world, the idea of harmony means two or more notes coming together to make a bigger and more beautiful note or sound. In the community, harmony might mean two or more cultures coming together to make something more unique and spectacular. In terms of music, it’s the difference between all those notes that makes a chord sound so melodic.
In a culturally diverse community, there are many things working in harmony. Even though everyone is different in terms of eating different things, doing different things and believing in different things, when all those cultures come together, just like when different notes come together, they make a spectacular creation.
The idea of harmony is what allows us to be who we are, to believe in what we believe in and to love what we love without worrying about being judged. It is the freedom to not be afraid of being picked on for the way you dress, speak, your customs or your culture. Freedom means we do not have to hide the fact that we are each different and unique because that is the way we were made.
Harmony encourages us to have pride in who we are and where we come from. It encourages us to grow into the best person we can become, because we are not being pressured to be someone we are not.
When people are open about their cultures, you can learn a lot about other cultures. The sense of harmony helps you learn.
An ancient Roman proverb says it quite nicely: “Harmony makes small things grow, lack of it makes great things decay.”
Without a sense of peace and harmony, there is no love and respect. In a harmonious community, everyone says hello to everyone else because the feeling is one of family.
Harmony in a sense means peace. If we have harmony in our workplaces and in our schools, there will be no more judgment, bullying or discrimination.
A community that lives in harmony will be a much better place than one split in discord.
If each of us can come together as different people, with different beliefs, customs, and ideas, it will make the community and the world a better place to live in. This kind of harmonious living is also a great way to set an example for others.
Harmony is better when different things come into accord. Just like diversity in our culture acts a melting pot, the concept of harmony is much nicer when many different kinds of things blend together. A piano wouldn’t be quite the same if all the keys sounded exactly alike. There would be no beautiful music coming out of it. Harmony creates beauty and the more we can learn to live in harmony and balance the more peace we will experience.
Speaking of harmony and balance, what does it mean to live in a perfect world? What does it mean to be in peace or in a sense of harmony in your life? Each of us has a right to be at peace. Each of us has the right to live in a healthy environment however, we typically don’t live in a perfect world filled with peace.
To be in the ideal state of peace, we must be at peace with ourselves, at peace with others or at peace with nature. What does being in peace with the world mean to you? The word peace is a good representation of the concept of harmony.
When you develop peaceful behavior, find a sense of inner peace and take the time to reflect on what peace means for you, you promote peace, respect, solidarity and responsibility.
We often take our world for granted when we are in “harmony” with it, but the world is an ever-changing place that demands we roll with the tide. In essence, we are constantly learning and taking in new knowledge.
One of the first things we note about everyday life is that we are nearly all living in some kind of family, whether it is a work family or a home family. All of our social interactions require us to seek out some kind of harmony because if we don’t, our lives become intolerable.
One of the things we all have in common is the fact that we spend a great deal of our conscious lives thinking. We think about many things from day to day duties to our dreams and fantasies. As human beings, we rarely act in a mindless or aimless manner, because our thoughts typically have some kind of purpose.
Many of us are not even conscious of every single experience that forms our beliefs, values, and attitudes, because the process of learning is extremely complex. The recognition of this complexity is a significant one in terms of something called the learning theory. We are always learning something and there are really only two fundamental states in this world, one in which we are in harmony and one in which we are in a state of disharmony.
Laughter and Relationships
We've all heard the quote that laughter is the best medicine, but what does it mean?
Does laughter really have healing and restorative qualities? Perhaps so. There has been a lot of research on laughter and its positive aspects.
Laughter has many benefits, one of which is its ability to release your body's endorphins or feel good chemicals.
In essence, laughter is nature's own pain reliever, and it may in fact be much more effective than any drug you could ever purchase.
Laughter can be a great stress reliever as well as a pain reliever and it is not just for fun. Laughter can even enhance creativity and increase innovation.
There has even been research that tells us that a before we actually even laugh, a wave of electricity shoots through our brain and this research tells us that this wave of electricity covers the entire cerebral cortex region, rather than just a single region, so there really is some science behind the idea of laughter.
It is hard to be in a bad mood when you are laughing and it actually takes much more effort and muscle power to frown than it does to smile. Laughter can help relax us, amuse us, calm us and even surprise us. Laughter is a wonderful icebreaker for a nervous crowd and it can be a great coping mechanism.
Laughter can be a great relationship enhancer as well because everything seems lighter and brighter with a little laughter!
Those who have a sense of humor deal with life's problems much better because they have a tendency to roll with the punches better. According to Doskoch (2011) laughter causes your blood pressure and even your heart rate to drop below normal helping you feel extremely relaxed; laughter also stimulates your endorphins, which are of course your brain's natural pain reliever.
According to researchers at the Loma Linda School of Medicine in Loma Linda, California laughter sharpens the instruments of the immune system and it activates our natural killer cells and T lymphocytes, which help our body destroy various microorganisms; furthermore, laughter increases the production of the immune boosting gamma interferon and it even speeds up the production of new immune cells (Doskoch).
Laughter is a great distraction as well, and it can help us forget about our problems, even if only temporarily.
Research also tells us that most children laugh at least 300 times a day with the average adult only managing a mere 17 times, it’s no wonder we are all so crabby! (Doskoch, 2011).
Laughter can help you through dark times and through happy times. Laughter can lift you up when you feel sad and it can help you cope when things go bad. Laughter is one of the best tools we have to deal with life's ups and downs and it can be a miraculous healing mechanism.
Laughter is also contagious and infectious. If someone in the room is laughing, chances are others will start laughing as well. Laughter binds us together in many ways and it may even make us happier.
Laughter is fun and laughter is free and it relaxes the entire body.
Humor can make life bearable and manageable and it may even protect your heart. Laughter improves the function of your blood vessels and can even increase the blood flow and protect you from future heart attacks and other related problems.
What about some other benefits to laughter? Besides laughter's ability to lower stress and boost your immunity, it also has many social and mental benefits. For example, laughter can:
Add joy to your life.
Improve your resilience and immunity.
Improve your mood.
Relieve anxiety.
Strengthen relationships.
Promote bonding.
Laughter can even help defuse conflict and enhance teamwork, making it of great benefit for relationships as well as individuals.
Just like taking a short nap, laughter can help you recharge and rejuvenate. Laughter can help give you a fresh perspective on an old problem, allowing you to shift your perspective and viewpoint helping you see things in a different manner.
If you feel overwhelmed, the best thing you can do is to laugh, because it will give you an immediate mood boost. Just as optimists seem to deal with life better, those that laugh may be able to cope better as well. Some of us even find that we laugh in times of grief or despair, sometimes as a coping mechanism.
The old black and white movies used this tool quite effectively creating characters that slipped and fell or tumbled down a hill creating laughter. Just as Laurel and Hardy are funny, many of us could use a laughter break during the day.
There are many social benefits to laughter as well because laughter can help strengthen our emotional bonds. Laughter can release your inhibitions and help you express your true feelings and it may even help you enhance your creativity leading to more innovative thinking.
Companies may find that laughter helps diffuse difficult situations at work because a good belly laugh helps ease stress in any situation. Humor can be a very effective tool to have in your arsenal and it can help you in many ways.
Just as having a pet may help you ward of depression, stress, and even heart disease, laughter may be able to do the same thing.
When you can learn to lighten your life begins to flow in a more positive direction.
If you feel stuck or stagnate, the best thing you can do is to go take a walk or have a good laugh. Laughter may be one of the most effective tools we have to deal with stress. Nothing makes you feel better faster than laughter.
Laughter can help you:
Be more spontaneous.
Help you let go of fears and judgments.
Help you to be less critical.
Help you get in touch with your emotions better.
Help you lighten up.
Help you not take life so seriously!
By bringing more humor into your life, you can more easily count your blessings and learn to appreciate things more. Laughter can help you feel more gracious and more loving and it can help you heal.
In many ways, those who learn to use humor tend to be happier people and they're more fun to be around!
People that take life too seriously may end up driving people away. Attitude really is everything when it comes down to it because your attitude shapes the world around you. If you wake up in the morning sunny and happy expecting a great day, you're going to be much better off than someone who is always expecting the opposite.
Happy people are more fun to be around because they tend to lighten our load and help remind us that we're here to enjoy life, not just to tolerate it.
There are so many benefits to laughter and positive thinking that one could fill up an entire book just boasting about it! Many illnesses have an emotional component and laughter with its powerful endorphin releasing qualities could be a huge help to someone who may be ill.
Not only can laughter help us redirect our energy, it can help us help ourselves by giving us something natural to use as a natural pain reliever.
There has been a lot of press about therapeutic laughter as well with things such as Laughter Yoga and even Traditional Therapy utilizing laughter.
The Cancer Treatment Centers of America use laughter as part of their integrative therapeutic approach hosting sessions for patients called Laughter Clubs or humor groups.
According to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, there have been many scientific studies exploring the benefits of laughter and laughter can be used to decrease stress, boost the immune system and even be used to decrease pain.
Norman Cousins, who wrote the book Anatomy of an Illness, described how he used laughter to help heal himself from a serious illness. Cousins used laughter by watching funny movies and taking vitamins and he claims that his self-invented regimen actually helped him recover.
There have been many studies that offer real research into the effects of laughter on the human psyche.
Laughter may, in fact, be similar to the placebo effect in terms that it makes you feel better and in turn, may even help you heal.
The placebo effect, of course, works on the principle that if you believe something will heal you, even if in fact that something is not even real medicine, that it will heal you just by your thoughts alone.
There is no limit to the power of the mind, and in many ways, this just may be an untapped resource.
According to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America laughter may also provide us with many benefits including helping to
Boost the immune system and circulatory system.
Enhance oxygen intake.
Stimulate the heart and lungs.
Relax muscles throughout the body.
Trigger the release of endorphins (the body’s natural painkillers).
Ease digestion/soothes stomach aches.
Relieve pain.
Balance blood pressure.
Improve mental functions (i.e., alertness, memory, creativity).
Laughter therapy may also help to:
Improve your overall attitude.
Reduce stress and tension.
Promote relaxation.
Improve sleep.
Enhance your quality of life.
Strengthen our social bonds and relationships.
Produce a general sense of well-being.
Whether or not laughter helps in all these areas remains to be seen, but it is certainly a lot of benefits for one simple little tool!
Laughter is part of our intrinsic human behavior and it helps us express our emotions and release stress.
Laughter is definitely contagious because one funny person can get a whole room full of people laughing!
Laughing may also serve to protect your heart, although studies are not exactly sure why but the studies do help explain that one’s mental stress actually impairs something called the endothelium, which is the protective barrier lining a person’s blood vessels. Once impaired, it can actually cause a series of very serious inflammatory reactions that cause cholesterol to build up in a one’s coronary arteries, which can ultimately cause a heart attack.
According to Psychology Wiki, and Psychologist Steve Sultanoff, Ph.D., the president of the American Association for Therapeutic Humor:
"With deep, heartfelt laughter, it appears that serum cortisol, which is a hormone that is secreted when we’re under stress, is decreased. So when you’re having a stress reaction, if you laugh, apparently the cortisol that has been released during the stress reaction is reduced," (Psychology Wiki, n. d.).
Laughter has also been shown to increase pain tolerance and even boost the body’s production of infection-fighting antibodies. This can help prevent hardening of the arteries and other subsequent conditions such as angina, heart attacks, or strokes.
People that are chronically angry and people that are hostile may actually have a much greater chance of having a heart attack!
Moreover, people who live stressed out lifestyles increase their chances of having coronary artery blockages and people that are depressed actually have twice the risk of developing heart disease.
These are certainly very grim statistics, and they lead us to the conclusion that a negative attitude can be debilitating for your health. It is very clear that laughter and humor at the very least influence both our physical and psychological well-being and humor can influence health outcomes.
In light of this, one has to wonder what the physical changes are the body goes through during laughter, and there have been several studies that explain this further. Some studies equate laughter as being equivalent to a form of aerobic exercise because laughter actually stimulates the heart and blood circulation, however, unlike exercise, laughter may actually lead to the relaxation of muscles with this post laughter period lasting up to 45 minutes.
Laughter may also lead to a change in the respiratory function because laughter causes us to have episodes of sporadic deep breathing.
Bennett (2008) found that all emotions, regardless of what they are, lead to the activation of the sympathetic nervous system finding that humor helped to buffer some of the negative aspects of the sympathetic activation on one's blood pressure.
In light of all this information, it may be time to take laughter a bit more seriously. Laughter and humor have many positive effects that help us feel better. Not only does laughter and humor make us feel better but it just may, in fact, help us perform better.
Laughter can have some amazing benefits helping you free up space in your mind to put towards greater productivity and even creativity.
It's hard to have a creative thought when you are stressed or angry. In many ways, laughter helps us remember that life is supposed to be enjoyed, not merely tolerated. So many of us are dragging through our days dreading every moment, that it is no wonder we have so many health problems.
Laughter can be the perfect antidote for your problems helping you achieve bigger and better things.
Using Laughter to Manage Conflict
One of the biggest benefits to laughter is its ability to manage conflict, which is, unfortunately, a part of every relationship at one time or another. Laughter can help you strengthen your relationship and resolve difficulties and disagreements, so it can be very healing.
Laughter brings you closer together and can help build that bond of intimacy. When emotions are running high, and people are feeling stressed laughter can help relieve the pressure.
Humor plays a big role in relationships and can help solidify a tense relationship.
Sharing the pleasure of humor creates a nice sense of intimacy, helping you move through problems in a lighter and brighter way.
When you laugh, you create a positive bond between yourself and your partner. This bond can provide a strong buffer against stress, disagreements, disappointments, and even bad patches in a relationship.
Humor can help you:
Form a stronger bond with one another.
Diffuse stress and tension.
Help you overcome problems and setbacks.
Put things back in perspective.
Be more spontaneous.
Let go of inhibitions.
Help you be less defensive.
Humor can interrupt the power struggle, helping to instantly ease tension and anxiety.
Laughter gets the kinks out and helps you think more clearly. Creative inspiration doesn't usually occur when one focuses intensely on the problem at hand; it is more likely to occur the moment one takes their eye off the ball.
Sometimes, our best ideas occur to us the moment we stop thinking so hard about something. There is a reason your best ideas come from the shower and the reason is that you distracted your mind enough to allow your creative mind to solve the problem.
If everyone is universally connected, imagine how much healing could occur through something like shared laughter?
Laughter is fun and laughter makes us feel better. Laughter is a psychological phenomenon in many ways and researchers have barely begun to tap into its powers. In many ways, laughter is nature's tranquilizer and natural pain reliever. Think of all the hundreds of dollars that people spend on medication and prescriptions and think of all the money we could save if all just took a little time to laugh more!
What is laughter anyway and why do we find the need to engage in it? Laughter helps us release our emotions in some sense because our emotions can tangle up inside of us causing our energy to feel jumbled. There are also many reasons why we laugh. We obviously laugh from humor, but we also laugh when we are excited, nervous or happy. We may laugh just because someone else is laughing as well.
Laughter helps remind us of simpler, happier times. Laughter doesn't cost anything and it can be done anywhere, anytime.
Laughter helps remind us that life is supposed to a fun and fascinating journey, not a torture chamber. In many ways, laughter helps us be the best that we can be. It helps us be true to ourselves. It helps us remember those things that make us smile. It allows us to release our inner child and remember how much fun it to play and dance and sing. Laughter is like a giant relief valve, helping us deal with the difficulties in life.
Laughter reminds us on what really is important in life and it helps us put things in perspective. Nothing makes us feel as grand as laughter, the only thing that comes close is the feeling of love.
If love makes the world go around, then laughter makes life worth living.
It's important to find the joy and happiness out of each moment. If you learn to laugh more, you will have less room for anger, moodiness, stress and complaints. If you learn how to have more fun, everything will seem easier. Life can be a long and difficult journey if you allow it to. You can choose to take a different path and you can choose to laugh instead of cry. You can choose to laugh instead of getting annoyed.
Sometimes the best-laid plans just don't work out, and if we don't learn to laugh at our foibles, we will end up crying instead.
The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of your thoughts. You reap what you sow and you are whatever you think you are. If you are constantly dwelling on the negative aspects, negativity is what you'll get. If you take the time to laugh and make a conscious effort to focus on the positive aspects of things, your life will be much smoother.
If you consciously choose laughter and joy, your attitude and your relationships become lighter and brighter.
Understanding the Rules of Intimacy
There are different kinds of intimacy - emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. A couple's emotional intimacy can be measured in a number of ways from the ability to be open and vulnerable to understanding each other on a deeper level. Physical intimacy is, of course, a little different than emotional intimacy because you can be physically intimate but emotionally closed.
In the beginning of most intimate relationships, people are more apt to want to share their thoughts, feelings, beliefs and desires with one another. When the relationship is new and exciting - being open and vulnerable is fun.
However, as time goes on, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep the lines of communication open in terms of intimacy. With the demands of life amongst other things, partners tend to drift apart and as a result, they lose that ability to connect emotionally, physically, sexually, and spiritually.
Emotional Intimacy and Physical Intimacy
Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are often intertwined, and it has a lot to do with a couple's desire to communicate their feelings with their partner. Many times one or the other partner develops an emotional insecurity, which can impact the level of intimacy.
Emotional insecurity may stem from a number of factors including:
Low self-esteem.
Childhood trauma.
Past rejections.
Failed relationships.
All relationships, just like individuals, tend to go through certain predictable stages of development and learning and understanding these stages can be very useful.
The symptoms of marital problems are often exhibited as problems in intimacy because that is often the first thing that goes awry.
Intimacy problems can include:
Problems of performance.
Inhibited sexual drive.
Lack of sexual drive.
Partners often see their problems quite differently, because men see things much differently than women. In the next section of this course, we will review those differences a little in terms of how the brain is different between men and women.
Intimacy Substitution
If there are problems in intimacy - people often substitute other things like pornography, gambling, Internet blogging, phone sex, infidelity or even chronic masturbation.
The substitute can also be of a non-sexual nature such as a psychological dependency on work, children, food, gambling, sports, shopping, pets, community activities, etc.
People often see things differently, so resolving intimacy problems may, in fact, require the use of a counselor so that early experiences and beliefs can be explored.
If someone has experienced a trauma in their early life, big or small, this often affects their perception of the world and it might also affect their ability to adapt or be open.
Traumas could include:
Rape or incest.
Time at war.
Time spent in jail.
Death of a child or parent.
Divorce.
Living through a natural disaster.
When it comes to physical and sexual intimacy it is important to realize that the brain, the body's largest and most significant sex organ, has a lot to do with how intimate we might feel at any given time.
It's the brain that dictates your behavior even if your heart yearns for the love that sexual connection brings.