The Science Behind Love
Love is actually a very complex neurobiological phenomenon and it relies on things like trust, belief, and other pleasurable rewarding activities within the brain. Naturally rewarding and pleasurable activities are in fact necessary for our survival and even our motivation controlling things like eating, sex and reproduction.
There is a lot involved in love including processes that create chemicals like oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, and serotonergic signaling. Endorphins and other chemical processes are involved as well.
Mind, body medicine or integrative medicine connects certain physiological aspects related to romantic or sexual love and attachment to other healthy activities or neurobiological states. Love and pleasure have a certain amount of stress reducing and even health promoting potential.
When we are happy and in love and joyful, we literally feel healthier.
The Science Behind Love
Although each of us experiences love a little differently, the chemistry behind the process is similar.
That initial rush of attraction tells us that there are certain biological explanations to feeling happy or giddy, for example, during those initial early weeks of domestic bliss.
To begin with, dopamine, which is created in the brain and adrenal glands, actually enhances the release of testosterone.
Dopamine also affects the various organs including the sweat glands, the genitals, and the senses.
In those early stages of love or lust, we tend to sweat more, so it makes sense that the two processes are interconnected. The release of dopamine also makes us feel happy or giddy enhancing our senses, which is why the colors might seem brighter.
Dopamine, in this context of arousal, is responsible for part of this. The release of dopamine also influences:
1. Our mood and emotions
2. Feelings of excitement and happiness
The release of testosterone increases our sexual desire, but as part of the process, it also increases our aggressive behavior and may push us to pursue the person who is fueling the intense response.
Next, the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and PEA (phenylethylamine) take over, leading to more focused attention (Psychology Today, 2013).
At this point, we begin to hone in on the person of our desire, which also causes us to experience a feeling of euphoria.
Norepinephrine is also a stimulant, causing us to feel alert; this also makes it difficult for us to sleep, as we play and replay even the smallest details about our experience in our minds.
PEA, or phenylethylamine, is responsible for those feelings of giddiness while also affecting our appetite, which is one of the reasons why you may have a loss of appetite when you experience feelings of love. On the other hand, this might also describe the onset of depression if the relationship doesn't last, as PEA levels drop or fall.
All of this forms a feedback loop, with the reward system of the brain then becoming involved.
This reward system is hereby influenced by the central nervous system and the contents of the bloodstream, in terms of the level of various neurotransmitters. The brain's reward system then sends little chemical messengers via neurotransmitters, to the various parts of the body, including the genitals, the stomach and even the skin, which in turn send messages back to the brain.
In other words, stimulation such as stimulation of the genitals, which of course feels good, activates this reward system, causing us to seek more of what it is that is so pleasurable.
The anticipation alone can cause a biological response stimulating this reward system.
During those initial stages of love or lust, this reward system is stimulated through seemingly very simple means such as:
1. A lover’s touch
2. Seeing a photograph
3. Just thinking about your lover
Where the relationship goes from this point is somewhat complex because, at this point, other fears takeover such as the fear of rejection, which might override those feelings of enjoyment.
There is no denying that falling in love is a very intense time and one that most of us find quite exhilarating.
These same neurotransmitters, or chemical messengers released by the nervous system, jump-start the emotion of love. These chemicals then communicate information from one nerve cell to another. This process transmits nerve impulses, which are actually electrical signals that work to change the state of the receiving cell.
Your brain controls all of your body’s physical activities and it is also the center of learning, thought, memory and emotion. The major parts of the brain that play an important role in the emotion of love are the cerebral cortex, the basal ganglia, and the limbic system.
The Human Nervous System
The human nervous system is one of the most complex systems in nature. It is responsible for the coordination of thousands of processes from muscle contraction to crying. The centre of the nervous system is the brain. The brain contains over 100 billion very specialised cells called neurons. The central nervous system also dispatches chemical messengers, as we have seen called neurotransmitters.
As human beings, we are bombarded with information on a daily basis. As children, we learn new things easily and effortlessly because our brains are still forming new neural pathways. Scientists used to believe that as we age we lost the ability to continue creating new neural pathways. However, recent research has proven that this is simply not the case.
Brain plasticity, also spoken of as neuroplasticity or cortical remapping to get really technical, refers to your brain’s ability and capacity to adapt and change as a result of your experiences. Up until the year, 1960 scientists actually believed that changes in your brain could only take place in your childhood, which is a bad thing if you happen to be an adult who needs to change something! This leads us to a false belief that by early adulthood our brain’s capacity to continue creating new neural pathways is all but lost.
Human pheromones
Human pheromones are those chemicals that the body produces kind of like a behavior-altering agent of some kind. Animals also produce pheromones. These pheromones change the behaviour of other animals and they play a role in sexual behaviour and other things.
Pheromones, unlike other hormones, are something called ectohormones - in other words, they act outside the body of the person or animal that is secreting them impacting the behaviour on another individual or animal (Medical News Today, 2014). Hormones typically only affect the individual that is secreting them.
The release of pheromones trigger many types of behaviours, including:
1. An alarm
2. Sexual arousal
3. Tell other animals to follow a food trail
4. To tell other female insects to lay their eggs elsewhere
5. Respect of a territory
6. Bond of mother and baby
7. Signal to back off
It is believed that the very first pheromone was identified in 1953, called Bombykol, which is secreted by the female moth and designed to attract males (Medical News Today, 2014). A pheromone signal can travel huge distances, even at low concentrations.
Experts agree that the pheromone system of insects is a lot easier to understand than that of humans and mammals, which of course do not have simple behaviors.
Moreover, it is believed that mammals detect pheromones through an organ in their nose called the VNO or Vomeronasal Organ, which then connects with the hypothalamus in the brain (Medical News Today, 2014).
Do humans have pheromones?
This is the million dollar question when it comes right down to it, as most scientific studies have failed to show any compelling evidence in support of this.
Gustav Jäger (1832-1917), a hygienist and German doctor was thought to be the first scientist to put forward the idea of human pheromones, calling them anthropines (Medical News Today, 2014). Jäger said these pheromones were lipophilic compounds associated with skin and follicles that served to mark the individual signature of human odors (Medical News Today, 2014).
Researchers at the University of Chicago proclaimed they could link the synchronization of women's menstrual cycles to unconscious odour cues, coining the term McClintock effect after the head researcher Martha McClintock (Medical News Today, 2014).
According to Medical News Today (2014) there are four main kinds of pheromones:
1. Releaser pheromones- that elicit an immediate response, which is rapid and reliable. These are usually linked to sexual attraction.
2. Primer pheromones- which take longer to get a response can influence the development or reproduction physiology, including menstrual cycles in females, puberty, and the success or failure of pregnancy. These can also alter hormone levels. In some mammals, scientists found that females who had become pregnant and were exposed to primer pheromones from another male, could actually spontaneously abort their fetus.
3. Signaler pheromones- which provide information, may help the mother to recognize her newborn by scent (fathers cannot usually do this). Signaler pheromones give out our genetic odor print.
4. Modulator pheromones- can either alter or synchronize certain bodily functions and are usually found in sweat. In animal experiments, scientists found that when placed on the upper lip of females, they became less tense and more relaxed. Modulator hormones may also affect a female's monthly cycle.
(Medical News Today, 2014)
Different types of relationships have different effects depending on the individual. In very close relationships, each partner's thoughts, actions and emotions or behaviors actually influence their partner.
Berscheid and Hatfield (1972) came up with a theory that serves to distinguish between the two kinds of love: passionate and companionate (Biological Factors Influence Human Relationships Psychology Essa, n.d.). According to this theory, passionate love involves sexual feelings of attraction and intense emotions, while compassionate love involves more of a trusting warm and tolerate affection.
Whatever the theory involved, one thing we know for sure is that attraction plays an important role in human relationships.
Evolutionary theories argue that all humans and animals display very similar behaviors, but there are many different viewpoints. Some people believe that humans can only experience the emotion of love while others believe that animals have their own kind of love and affection, which is probably a big reason why we love animals so much.
Specific Factors that Influence Attraction
Attraction refers to those positive feelings you develop about another person and it can take many forms, including:
1. Just liking someone
2. Feelings of love
3. Lust
4. Friendship
5. Admiration
Many factors influence who we are attracted to including levels of physical attractiveness, similarity, proximity, and reciprocity.
Research indicates that romantic attraction is primarily determined by physical attractiveness, although there are of course many other factors.
In those early stages of dating, people are usually more attracted to partners whom they consider "physically attractive," and men are more likely to value physical attractiveness than women.
Your personal perception of your own physical attractiveness also plays a key role when to comes to romantic love.
There are some who also believe that people tend to pick partners who are along the same level of attractiveness as themselves.
Proximity also plays a key role because people are more likely to become friends with others who are geographically close due to the mere exposure effect. The exposure effect refers to one's tendency to like someone better the more they are exposed to them.
The issue of similarity also comes into play when talking about attractiveness because people tend to pick partners who are similar to themselves in terms of characteristics such as age, race, religion, social class, education, intelligence and personality and attitude.
This issue of similarity affects romantic partners and friends believe it or not.
Last but certainly not least, the idea of reciprocity also comes into play because we tend to like others who reciprocate and like us back.
Romantic love versus compassionate love
Researchers proclaim that there are two kinds of love: passionate love and compassionate love (Social Psychology. (n.d.).
These two kinds of love tend to occur together, but they do not always have to go hand in hand in a relationship.
Passionate love involves:
1. Absorption in another person
2. Sexual desire
3. Tenderness
4. Intense emotion
Compassionate love involves:
1. Warmth
2. Trust
3. Tolerance of another person
Compassionate love is sometimes considered to have two components, that of intimacy and commitment. The idea of intimacy usually refers to a warm, close and sharing aspect of a relationship while commitment refers to the intent to continue the relationship even in the face of difficulties. Researchers believe that commitment is a good predictor of the stability of a relationship.
The Law of Attraction and Relationships
The law of attraction has a lot to do with your ability to engage in a healthy relationship. It can also help you improve the relationships you already have in your life by helping you shift your focus and approach them through a lens of love.
If you have trouble with love, there may be a reason because it all goes back to the principle of like attracts like. The truth is that we tend to attract people at the same level of “woundedness’ that we are on so if you want to attract a loving healthy partner you first need to become that loving healthy partner.
The key to attracting love lies in your energy because the kind of energy you project has everything to do with the kind of person and relationship you attract.
Before you continue reading, take a moment to ask yourself what kind of energy you are putting out!
What kind of energy are you putting out?
Is it secure or insecure? If it is insecure, you are likely to project this in one of two ways, either as a taker or a caretaker. Both of these roles come from a kind of neediness due to self-rejection. Both parties expect the other party to take away their emptiness and make them feel more loveable, which is an impossible task.
If you met yourself on the street - would you be attracted to "you"?
This may seem like a silly question, but it is a valid one nonetheless. You can also ask yourself if you tend to be a giver or a taker.
The taker is overly needy and demanding, and may even be self-centered or narcissistic. The caretaker, on the other hand, gives themselves up to take care of the taker, hoping and praying that the taker will give them the love and affection they are seeking s they feel better about themselves.
People who are secure on the other hand take full responsibility for their own happiness and well-being and they have learned to fill themselves up with love. They share this love with others, as opposed to looking for love in others. There is a big difference.
Someone who is emotionally healthy will not attract an insecure or needy person. Healthy loving people attract other healthy loving people and, in turn, create healthy loving relationships. As you can now see, the best place to start when using the Law of Attraction for relationships is to start with yourself. You are the key to everything.
5 Keys to Attract the Love of Your Life
1. Learn to accept, value and love yourself. Define your own worth as opposed to waiting for someone else to provide it for you.
2. Learn to connect with your own inner resource of love, wisdom, and strength.
3. Heal your fear of rejection by learning not to take rejection personally and by learning how to lovingly manage your own painful feelings.
4. Heal your fear of engulfment by developing a strong loving adult self, one who can say NO rather than giving themselves up to control.
5. Learn to be HAPPY BEFORE you are enter into a relationship. Never look for a relationship to make you happy.
These keys are important - because what they tell us is the first place to look for love is within ourselves. So many people look for love and validation through others and what they fail to see is no one can provide this but himself or herself.
When you can learn to love, value and accept yourself you step up to the next emotional level per se. While you may have been programmed from an early age to feel like you weren’t good enough, you can change that dynamic by programming in the idea of love and by telling yourself that you are worthy and you are enough.
Learning to connect with that inner resource of love, strength and affection can help you learn to love yourself all over again.
Knowledge of Gender Differences in Choosing the Ideal Partner
According to Science Daily (2008), men and women choose romantic partners a little differently. It used to be that people assumed that men were more motivated by looks while women were motivated by earning power, however, that may not be the case.
One study done by two Northwestern University psychologists suggests that whether you're a man or a woman, being attractive is just as good for your romantic prospects as being a good earner (Science Daily, 2008.)
During the one-month study, the romantic lives of participants were scrutinized, including their prospects within and outside of a speed-dating event.
The fact is that what people said and what they actually did in terms of choosing a romantic partner were two very different matters.
According to Science Daily (2008), "True to the stereotypes, the initial self-reports of male participants indicated that they cared more than women about a romantic partner's physical attractiveness, and the women in the study stated more than men that earning power was an aphrodisiac," according to Paul Eastwick, the lead author of the study and graduate student in psychology in the Weinberg School of Arts and Sciences at Northwestern.
In reality, both men and women were equally inspired by levels of physical attraction as well as earning power or ambition.
"In other words good looks was the primary stimulus of attraction for both men and women, and a person with good earning prospects or ambition tended to be liked as well. Most noteworthy, the earning-power effect as well as the good-looks effect didn't differ for men and women," (Science Daily, 2008).
During the event, the participants' preferences were based on their live romantic interactions. These were then contrasted with the ideal sex-differentiated preferences that they self-reported 10 days before the speed-dating event.
Researchers discovered that they romantic dynamics that occurred at the speed-dating event and during the follow-up 30-day period had little to do with the sex-differentiated preferences stated on the questionnaires, which is quite interesting when it comes down to it.
The speed-dating methodology was a great venue for comparing what people say they preferred to what they actually preferred in real life.
